Building New Habits: Maybe You're Trying Too Hard

𝗡𝗼, 𝘀𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗹𝘆. In fact, it could be that your well-intentioned ambition is getting in the way of your progress. ⁣
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𝗝𝗮𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝗖𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗽𝘂𝘁𝘀 𝗶𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗮𝘆, 𝗶𝗻 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗯𝗼𝗼𝗸, 𝗔𝘁𝗼𝗺𝗶𝗰 𝗛𝗮𝗯𝗶𝘁𝘀: “It is so easy to overestimate the importance of one defining moment and underestimate the value of making small improvements on a daily basis. Too often, we convince ourselves that massive success requires massive action. Whether it’s losing weight, building a business, writing a book, winning a championship, or achieving any other goal, we put pressure on ourselves to make some earth-shattering improvement that everyone will talk about.”⁣
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𝗛𝗲 𝗮𝗱𝘃𝗼𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲𝘀 𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗲𝗮𝘀𝘆-𝘁𝗼-𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗲 “𝗴𝗮𝘁𝗲𝘄𝗮𝘆” 𝗵𝗮𝗯𝗶𝘁𝘀--𝗱𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗹𝘆--𝗮𝘀 𝗮 𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝗯𝗶𝘁 𝗺𝘂𝘀𝗰𝗹𝗲 that will lead to big results. Another force multiplier is “habit-stacking,” where you tie a desired new habit to something else you already do consistently. The current habit acts as a trigger for the new habit.⁣
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𝗛𝗲𝗿𝗲’𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗺𝗲. I want to create a habit of exercising in the morning. And I want to tie the trigger to something that I already do every morning. In my case (and for much of the civilized world) that would be making coffee. So, the sound of the coffee pot wheezing and spitting is my cue to go to my room and lace up my sneakers.⁣
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𝗠𝘆 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝘆 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗹𝘁𝗵 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗳𝗶𝘁𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗶𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝗯𝗶𝘁 𝗜 𝗮𝗺 𝗯𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 "𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝘅𝗲𝗿𝗰𝗶𝘀𝗲." That seems too big, because it immediately conjures for me a lot of sweat and effort (based on past exercise trauma), and I’m just not there yet. So, my habit is to put on my sneakers, because I know that once those are on, I WILL go walking. And even if there’s only time to go once around the block, I’m building the habit, the muscle memory.⁣
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𝗦𝗶𝗺𝗶𝗹𝗮𝗿𝗹𝘆, 𝗜’𝘃𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗴𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗱𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗽𝘂𝘀𝗵-𝘂𝗽𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗔𝗠, usually during breaks between work sessions. But I don’t make myself “do push-ups.” Again, the very thought can bring a wave of agony (okay, that's a little over-dramatic) and resistance (especially the last couple of ones in each set). Instead, I just drop to the floor, because once I’m there, it’s inevitable that I will do the push-ups. It may seem like a silly and even meaningless distinction, but it’s been super-effective for me. Because it doesn’t take anything to get down on the floor--that’s just submitting to gravity. And once I’m there--well, why not?⁣
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𝗧𝗵𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗴𝗮𝘁𝗲𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝗵𝗮𝗯𝗶𝘁𝘀, 𝗜’𝗺 𝗴𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝗲𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗼𝗼𝗿𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗿𝘀 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗴𝗲. I’m building muscle memory, so that I can glide into the new behavior with as little conscious effort as possible. In technical terms, I’m upping the easy-peasy quotient (EPQ).⁣
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𝗜𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗯𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝘆 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗴𝘆𝗺 𝗳𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝗿𝗼𝘄 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗶𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝟭𝟬 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝘂𝘁𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲, than to force myself to slog through a grueling workout that I will feel all kinds of resistance to repeating. And the odds are, once I’m there I’m going to spend more than 10 minutes.⁣
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𝗜’𝘃𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝘂𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗰𝗹𝗶𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗹𝘆, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘂𝗹𝘁𝘀 𝘀𝗼 𝗳𝗮𝗿 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴. By making the desired habit easy and automatic through simple cues/triggers/stacking, they find themselves already doing The Thing, whereas before they were sitting around beating themselves up about their lack of motivation. ⁣
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𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗯𝗶𝗴 𝗴𝗼𝗮𝗹𝘀 𝗱𝗼𝗻’𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲. They can help to galvanize our focus and commitment, and inspire us into a new vision for ourselves. But to get there, it may be way more useful to focus on coordinated systems of small changes. That’s where the compound interest of habit formation builds your portfolio--consistent action over time.⁣
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𝗦𝗼, 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁’𝘀 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗱 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗶𝘀 𝗮 𝗕𝗶𝗴 𝗛𝗮𝗶𝗿𝘆 𝗔𝘂𝗱𝗮𝗰𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗚𝗼𝗮𝗹. And sometimes you just need to lace up your sneakers.⁣