๐๐ฎ๐๐ ๐ ๐ผ๐ป๐ฑ๐ฎ๐, ๐ ๐ต๐ฎ๐ฑ ๐ฎ ๐ฑ๐ฎ๐๐ฒ ๐๐ถ๐๐ต ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ต๐ฎ๐ฟ๐๐ฒ๐๐ ๐บ๐ผ๐ผ๐ป. I poured myself a lil glass of sumpin-sumpin, turned off the porch light, and sat on the front stoop, basking in the lunar beauty. I brought a candle, my journal, and a tarot deck, so that I could do a full-moon reading for myself. โฃ
โฃ๐ง๐ต๐ฒ ๐บ๐ฒ๐๐๐ฎ๐ด๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐ฒ๐ฝ, ๐ฝ๐ผ๐ถ๐ด๐ป๐ฎ๐ป๐, ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐๐ฝ๐ผ๐-๐ผ๐ป, beckoning me to bring all of myself to this new season. I felt grounded and peaceful as I bid the world good night.โฃ
โฃ๐๐ป๐ฑ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ป๐ฒ๐ ๐ ๐บ๐ผ๐ฟ๐ป๐ถ๐ป๐ด, ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ป ๐ ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ผ๐๐ฒ, ๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ ๐ฎ ๐บ๐ถ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฎ๐ฏ๐น๐ฒ, ๐ฐ๐ฟ๐ฎ๐ป๐ธ๐, ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐๐๐น๐ฎ๐ป๐ ๐๐ฟ๐ฎ๐ถ๐ป ๐๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ธ. I yelled into my journal and beat up my punching bag. Everywhere I turned, I saw an annoying nail begging for the wrath of my hammer.โฃ
โฃ๐ช๐ฒ๐น๐น, ๐ ๐๐ต๐ผ๐๐ด๐ต๐, ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ ๐ด๐ถ๐๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐น๐ถ๐ฒ ๐๐ผ ๐น๐ฎ๐๐ ๐ป๐ถ๐ด๐ต๐. I guess this is the Real Me. Not sure why anyone would or should look to me (much less pay me) for support. [Cue melodramatic music and begin descent down grandiose spiral staircase of shame.]โฃ
โฃ๐๐ผ๐ฟ๐๐๐ป๐ฎ๐๐ฒ๐น๐, ๐ ๐ฑ๐ถ๐ฑ๐ปโ๐ ๐๐ฎ๐น๐น๐ผ๐ ๐ถ๐ป ๐๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐ฑ๐ฒ๐น๐๐๐ถ๐ผ๐ป ๐ณ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐น๐ผ๐ป๐ด. That same afternoon, I had a session booked with a group of wonderfully skilled fellow coaches that Iโm in a mentoring circle with. Miraculously, I found the courage to vent my peevishness to them in all its glory. And because I owned it, they were able to meet the real meโnot some sanitized/idealized version of meโwith true compassion and helpfulness. โฃ
โฃ๐๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐๐๐ฒ ๐ฏ๐ผ๐๐ต ๐ผ๐ณ ๐๐ต๐ผ๐๐ฒ ๐ฒ๐ ๐ฝ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ฒ๐ป๐ฐ๐ฒ๐ ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐บ๐ฒ, ๐ฎ๐ป๐ฑ ๐ป๐ฒ๐ถ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐บ ๐๐ฎ๐ ๐ฎ๐น๐น ๐ผ๐ณ ๐บ๐ฒ. They were important parts that needed expression. Thanks to the grace of my colleagues, the voices inside me got heard. My friends welcomed the unruly parts of me with tenderness and respect and gently helped me to gather them back in.โฃ
โฃ๐ ๐๐๐ฝ๐ฝ๐ผ๐๐ฒ ๐ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐๐น๐ฑ ๐ต๐ฎ๐๐ฒ ๐น๐ฒ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฎ๐ด๐ฒ๐ฑ ๐บ๐ ๐ด๐ฟ๐ผ๐ผ๐๐ ๐ณ๐๐น๐น-๐บ๐ผ๐ผ๐ป ๐๐ถ๐ฏ๐ฒ ๐๐ผ ๐ฟ๐๐ป ๐ฎ ๐๐ฝ๐ถ๐ฟ๐ถ๐๐๐ฎ๐น ๐ฏ๐๐ฝ๐ฎ๐๐ around the more ornery parts of my psyche (or worse, used my โhigher selfโ to beat those whiners into submission). However, it would have been at best a temporary pause in the internal conflict. The fragile peace would have been dwarfed by the later explosion. โฃ
โฃ๐ง๐ต๐ฒ ๐ฝ๐ฎ๐๐ต ๐ฏ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ธ ๐๐ฎ๐ ๐ฎ ๐ฝ๐ฟ๐ผ๐ฐ๐ฒ๐๐ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐บ๐ฒ๐บ๐ฏ๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐บ๐๐๐ฒ๐น๐ณโas in โre-membering,โ putting back together the elements of my psyche that I had dismembered and isolated. In that reintegration, I was reminded of the pain that comes from falling into the trance of over-identifying with any one part of our experience. โฃ
โฃ๐ ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ป๐ผ๐ ๐ผ๐ป๐ฒ ๐ป๐ผ๐๐ฒ; I am not a gallon of homogenized Chris-ness (though I am in fact both Grade A and full fat). Thereโs a lot going on in here. I contain multitudes.โฃ
โฃ๐๐ณ ๐๐ผ๐โ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ฟ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฑ๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐๐ต๐ถ๐ ๐ฏ๐ฒ๐ฐ๐ฎ๐๐๐ฒ ๐๐ผ๐โ๐ฟ๐ฒ ๐ผ๐ป ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ต๐๐ป๐ ๐ณ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐ฎ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐ฎ๐ฐ๐ต ๐ช๐ต๐ผ ๐๐ฎ๐ ๐๐ ๐๐น๐น ๐ง๐ผ๐ด๐ฒ๐๐ต๐ฒ๐ฟ, ๐ถ๐โ๐ ๐ฝ๐ฟ๐ผ๐ฏ๐ฎ๐ฏ๐น๐ ๐ฏ๐ฒ๐๐ ๐๐ผ ๐ฐ๐ผ๐ป๐๐ถ๐ป๐๐ฒ ๐๐ผ๐๐ฟ ๐๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ฟ๐ฐ๐ต. On the other hand, maybe you can relate to (and even trust) someone who periodically falls apart and finds himself befuddled by his own contradictionsโand who is okay with that, and thinks the resulting inquiry can be super-important.โฃ
โฃIf that's the case, perhaps my people* and your people should talk. โฃโฃ
โฃ*See what I did there? ;-)
